(N)either/(n)or

18 May 2012
Why?

• Because, perhaps, despite my avowals, I think about the future and I don’t see any. If I do, it scares me.
• Because your bouts of anger are capable of the unthinkable, if not for real, in my imagination.
• Because I worry. And I can’t recall how it feels to not worry about your routine, practicalities, etc.
• Because I hadn’t found myself till I found you, and then I turned into an appendage.
• Because the thought of being alone - without you to fall back on for accusations, or emotional support - is unthinkable, and this is Not how it should be.
• Because I shouldn’t lie anymore.

Because I love you. But it’s not an absolute. Love never is, unfortunately.

Why not?

Because I love you, and now it is difficult to breathe.

28 September 2012 

"It gets better."

What if it doesn't? 

Patterns for misery. Patterns for redemption.

Patterns for denial.

She... (yet again)

... has lost all the poetry. and the way words coiled around the neck and choked her.

she beckoned them, still, and comforted in misery.

The want -- abstract, conspicuously present.

and there was rhythm.

Now, there is happiness.

and the void which remains undone.